I become a shadow in my reality,

a passing idea of what I was

or wished to be.

Dreams digested by normality

without explanations or cause

to my silent plea.


Walking away with empty hands,

dragging sadness behind

I wonder what more.

Never making any demands

life graciously declined

what I asked heretofore.


Standing in the midst of the road

I lose sight of my destination,

unable to turn around

I refuse  what was bestowed

and just lived in aberration.

Not one thing found,

so I walk with hesitation.

H.O. July 24, 2013


Time has left traces in your saddened face-

Hidden behind your smile untold stories of abuse and pain

silently scream for my helping hand which I freely offer.

But to bring you back from wherever was that place

that you went seeking for unknown answers in vain

and swallowing illicit promises as I see you suffer.


Looking into the blueness of your cloudy eyes

I wonder of the unspeakable acts you may have committed

in search for the ultimate relief from your pain.

Who listens to your heart in places where no one cries?

Of these places we speak in quiet rooms when is permitted

and disguise all the expressions as to appear sane.


I wonder many things that I don’t dare ask

for fear of knowing too much about your realities.

But asking is my trade and I must know what darkness

holds you back and make you wear that mask.

And questions are finally formed about your fallacies

and the reasons for seeking the artificial blackness.


But your eyes shifting away from my questions

already tell me that this battle was lost,

as pain forms in a tear that your fingers quickly wipe away.

I can see the sadness form and in your expressions,

the seeking becomes everything at whatever cost.

“Maybe another time”- you answered with dismay,

and put on the mask that protects you from being lost,

as you walk away…


No pretenses, In the middle of all

we are who we are and do what we do.

What we learned to survive as we fall

in the darkness below, in the midst of a strife-

Sometimes we must pay what is due

and the price may be big or be small

but we pay for contentment with life.


No pretense to disguise who we are

since the tears that may flow are the same

and just the same is the hurt that we feel-

At the end all we have is just a name

with some pieces of a broken heart,

when defeated and tired we kneel

and we see our lives come apart.

H.O. 11/12/12


Memories follow you wrapped in a blanket of pain

that you would rather forget and leave behind.

Your lips with a smile offer no apologies

as you walk among those that give their lives in vain

for a moment of pleasure, not  knowing the etiologies

that caused such suffering to encrust in your mind.


Dragging your chains behind, faking every move

as to appear sane since sanity is to be desired

by those who are blind for your cause to survive-

I see ghosts of torturing hands seeking to prove

that your insanity was caused by your drive

for a sweet drug and not things that transpired.


But we know of crimes committed in the night,

of pain caused by faked intentions to provide

love and care openly received in your weakness,

in a moment of despair giving in without a fight-

We know of how faking protects your uniqueness

from those wanting to take it away as they tried.


To forget for a moment, to finally make a connection

with something that may set your mind ablaze

without pain and a moment of sanity restored

as you succumb to the sweetness of the craze-

But short lived, as now reality you must face

and merciless the anguish and pain is even more.

In the midst of all you cling to hope without direction,

as the chains become unbearable to drag anymore.

H.O. 11/14/12


A timeless creature wanders through plains of uncharted land

searching for broken souls in a world he can’t understand,

with no maps to guide him but the smell of pain and despair

as he makes his way around the sounds of the lord’s prayer-


Voices asking for forgiveness and looking for the salvation

that no longer exist in a world condemned to damnation,

but the prayers almost silenced and nearly forgotten

attracts him with a smell of hopes now dead and rotten.


He gathers the ones that dwell near the edge of insanity

and hold them under his wings to save their humanity,

lovingly keeping them safe for a moment in their time

and protecting them in a gesture beautiful and sublime.


Tears shed for the ones that too late for their salvation

forever dropped in the abyss in an act of desperation,

but his wings holding a few with much passion and tending

prepares for the hard task of the wounded souls mending-


Now no longer standing to see so much suffering and pain

he drops both of his wings looking up with much disdain,

and remains close to the ones that reminds him of his fate,

a timeless creature searching for the reasons to have faith-

H.O. May 30, 2013


Out of dark places appears,

sneaking in the shadows to not be seen,

looking for the places I have been

and searching for my hidden fears.


 It approaches slowly seeking my weakness,

taunting my desires as I lose sight of things.

It strives to take over and to clip my wings

keeping me from exploring my uniqueness.


But to fear I must as it cannot be

as it was before when made me blind

to everything that was left behind.

What is this power that befalls me?

It is my own creation

to my own damnation.


I slowly mold and shape away-

Hands pushing, caressing every form

with the love and tenderness of creation.

God complex some may say,

to change and mold and transform

giving life to what was left in stagnation.


Trembling hands slowly discovering

the imprints of pain and misused

that shaped the form before me-

With love my tears recovering

the softness underneath the bruise,

molding, shaping-  as it wills to be.



I shall wait in the darkness of my mind,

in places I choose to leave unattended

for fear of getting lost and never find

the life I had as I pretended.

At the moment waiting is an option

I may choose to leave behind,

as I contemplate this emotion

which is so hard to define.


And if I stay in the light not for fear

of what you may bring,

but to hold on to what is dear,

possibilities that may seem

enough reason to hold me steady.

Sometimes I sense you are near,

and I whisper to you I’m ready,

but you quickly disappear.

July 2012