Found and Lost

I found you quietly wandering through my pages,

reading words that reflected the pain and despair

that sometimes haunted my words and expressions.

I found you smiling, hiding the feelings of depression

that broken hearts and lost love causes us to spare,

the indecisive moments when life collect its wages.

 ~

Didn’t know at the moment that your heart was caged,

that your feelings were prisoners of unfounded love

and recent memories of losing him held you captive.

I was unaware that your smile was just adaptive,

of  surviving his deceiving and abusing way, thereof

causing a confusing welcome when I was engaged.

 ~

Quickly I held you in my desires and in my dreams,

a savior willing to swim through my despair

finding ways to turn my heart in your direction,

without knowing that your plans for my dissection

were quickly put into place, like you didn’t care,

as everything that followed was not as it seemed.

 ~

Now, I can’t see you anymore wandering through,

no more traces of your smile and seductive ways

as being liberated causes bittersweet emotions.

Only hurtful words remain lingering in the notion

that I never found you, and in my drunken daze

I said words that held me captive within my truth.

 ~

I found you, hurt and loss in the bitter strife

as my words caused the grief and the despair

that somehow I was supposed to save you from.

There are no words now and my mind is numb,

and the same way I found you I leave you there,

among phrases and pieces of you,  without life.

H.O.