It Rises

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It Rises

~

I push but it rises

through the cracks left open in a haste

to forget how it taste.

And alive it won’t change

but regress to the time of my death

when again I must die

to survive-

And for now let it be

it is easier this way when I’m old

and I push but it rises

through the cracks in my soul-

H.O


“The human race tends to remember the abuses to which it has been subjected rather than the endearments. What’s left of kisses? Wounds, however, leave scars.”

― Bertolt Brecht

Underneath

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Underneath

~

There is a skin beneath my skin

hid from light buried deep

inked with tears,

some regrets , then some fears

left a scar-

And sometimes I peel back for a look

blurry words mark the lines

where my soul dangles loose,

some regrets, then some fears

tie the noose-

 –

H.O


“Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as a secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh.”

― Leonard Cohen, The Favorite Game

Their Sins

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Their Sins

~

I carry their sins deep inside my bones

and they turn and they burn

oh how they burn!

When I become unglued

they stick to my cells

and they say and it’s true

the sins of our fathers

will fall on their sons-

I carry their sins and a sickness of heart

and it breaks me apart

to my skin slowly rise

taking hold of my life

and they turn and they burn

oh how they burn!

H.O


“The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children.”

― William Shakespeare

Foist

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Foist

~

Stale soap, old walls, distant memory

find its way into repressed spaces

left alone through years of living-

I was innocent once

when twice intrusive faces

burned images in places

where innocence flourish,

salted ground left in twisted

vines growing into who I am.

I was innocent once

young fingers not meant to explore

soft petals, a sacrifice lamb

for gods of lust and pleasure.

Do you remember before?

Sometimes in dreams I can

and then wonder,

if I was innocent once.

~

H.O

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d”
Alexander Pope, Eloisa to Abelard

Sooth-in

let go

Sooth-in

~

Memories scratching the surface

“let it go, let it go”

eyes ahead on the road

“take the sight, feel the wind”

When time memories disperses

there is a reason,

dig no deeper until you are ready

“take a break and enjoy the season”

for you hurt so much already.

~

H.O

Scars

christianhopkinsphotography2

Scars

~

A twist and a turn and the script gets written

innocence its only once and then lost

in the midst of an act with such cost

creating unknown paths to later follow.

I refuse to see the ghosts and face my fears

behind broken emotions remain hidden

but almost done with the counting of years

I can hold my breath and remain hollow

filling every space with the bitter tears.

H.O

Foretell

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Foretell

Hope spreads thin between your days

a distant light that fades at times

evaporating within your fingers,

and seeds you plant sprout in vines

that chokes your life and leaves a haze

while dreams in shadows linger.

~

And liquid hope your lips will touch

in brief reprise from all the pain

that may dissolve within your death,

and all you did you did in vain

if living once you lived too much

as hope becomes one final breath.

 .

H.O. May 10, 2015

Conceal

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Conceal

.

Going back I get stuck in dark places

a bitter taste left from all the traces

of memories hiding behind mind walls

built to stand through life painful falls.

Would I tear down all my defenses

in search of relief from my offenses?

But relief does not comes from hiding

throughout the years of not deciding

when holding life within my hands

I locked away my dreams and wants

while life just passed and left me alone.

But how ironic to believe I was done

and now my sleep is just a nightmare

when to break my walls I cannot dare

and death the option that becomes

when can’t let go of all that comes

and rather stay in the dark places

and hide away behind pretenses.

.

H.O. 12/17/14

Repentant

Repent Angel

(liliyaart.net)

Repentant

In giving out light I turned to darkness

digesting a moment with the taste of death

brought forth by the insane desires

that condemn me to burn in the fires

of hell itself, but a witness I am to the theft

of a soul lost in its own madness.

~

In giving out light I chose to be consumed

by the crippling poison left within my skin

from a relentless instant of committed act,

but in giving out light to keep my soul intact

I become lost in a moment of repented sin

with no way back from the blaze of doom.

H.O.

Chains (reblogg)

Here is the poem again, sorry for the confusion with reblogging. 🙂

chains

Chains

Memories follow you wrapped in a blanket of pain

that you would rather forget and leave behind.

Your lips with a smile offer no apologies

as you walk among those that give their lives in vain

for a moment of pleasure, not knowing the etiologies

that caused such suffering to encrust in your mind.

~

Dragging your chains behind, faking every move

as to appear sane since sanity is to be desired

by those who are blind for your cause to survive-

I see ghosts of torturing hands seeking to prove

that your insanity was caused by your drive

for a sweet drug and not things that transpired.

~

But we know of crimes committed in the night,

of pain caused by faked intentions to provide

love and care openly received in your weakness,

in a moment of despair giving in without a fight-

We know of how faking protects your uniqueness

from those wanting to take it away as they tried.

~

To forget for a moment, to finally make a connection

with something that may set your mind ablaze

without pain and a moment of sanity restored

as you succumb to the sweetness of the crave-

But short lived, as now reality you must face

and merciless the anguish and pain is even more.

In the midst of all you cling to hope without direction

as the chains become unbearable to drag anymore.

H.O.

I wrote this poem almost two years ago after meeting someone that was fighting an addiction to cocaine. As I got to know her better I was able to see how a life of abuse was connected to her choices. I work with addicts every day and this is a repeating story that wears me down every time as I truly care to help.