Approaching Dusk

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Approaching Dusk

~

I fear the approaching dusk

stretched to fill the empty holes

my life will pass like summer rain,

and won’t be here

to dry your tears and sooth your pain,

to hold you dear

until the memories subside-

And things I asked about my soul

eternal life reserved for all,

to cross the light,

I just don’t know-

I fear my dusk approaching fast

eternal night

as cold as winter fallen snow,

and only you to hold me here-

H.O

“When he died, I went about like a ragged crow telling strangers, “My father died, my father died.” My indiscretion embarrassed me, but I could not help it. Without my father on his Delhi rooftop, why was I here? Without him there, why should I go back? Without that ache between us, what was I made of?”

― Kiran Desai

Love, Love Not

4

 

Love, Love Not

~

What if I don’t choose to love again?

stacking memories of love with memories of loss

bittersweet cravings adrift in my distractions.

It is not that I lost my desires or attractions

nor the muse that inspires my pen

but my options run wild in this game

and sometimes it is easier alone-

Nature is long past, I’m already done

with my disillusion,

everything exhausted , nothing else to claim

if only a resolution

not to love again-

H.O

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”

― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967

Seed

father-daughter-love

 

Seed

~

If I had you not, lost would be-

Roots left rotting in a liquid past

fed by fears, my beginning

touched by the same sea

my end will taste as fast

as the clock mark years.

If you were not, gone would be-

How far does not matter

if gone, where would I be

does not matter, if far,

heart of my heart

for thirsty lips water

you became, and you are.

~

H.O

Life-Hope-Love

Learn-from-Yesterday-Live-for-Today-Hope-for-Tomorrow

Life Hope Love

~

There is a center of life in the palm of my hand

where I held many dreams

with my fingers recounting everything ever want.

And I see beneath skin in the red of the streams

all the reasons to smile

and the things to revile

for my life I will hold in the palm of my hand.

~

There is a center of hope in the brown of my eyes

where I saw all my dreams

in the blueness reflected from the wide open skies.

And in freedom I found I could spread open wings

with a reason to fly

or to whittle and die

for my hope I will hold in the brown of my eyes.

~

There is a center of love in the midst of my heart

where I grew all my dreams

in a heartbeat of lovers that one day broke me apart.

And in loss I found life that was lost in the extremes

with a reason to go

and desire to grow

for the love I will hold in the midst of my heart.

~

H.O

March 15, 2016

Melodic

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Melodic

Music hides within the warm of a dying breath

stale with time in forgotten heartbeats of joy,

a melody played more than once before it’s death

in a hopeless sacrifice of will seeking to destroy

the sweetness found in the innocence of love.

~

A fading tune with a slight taste of hidden passion

found in thirsty lips oblivious of loneliness and pain,

a soothing vagueness like ether in numbing fashion

sprouting dreams of youth that helps keeping sane

when desperation and longing sets in thereof.

~

The music playing softly keeping beat with my heart

in an elusive state of confused memories and reality,

a choice to let go and become silent or to be a part

of a life dancing away to the tune of my mortality.

H.O. 6/25/14

Freedom

Freedom_Wallpaper_by_TheWhiteLight

Freedom

Freedom is a breeze kissing my face, a passing though

of letting go and feel my life drip slowly away,

and between smiles to taste the earth of my own grave.

It is the feel of being complete and not afraid

to enjoy this sense of life bestowed,

the more I have the more I crave.

~

Freedom are the words I write with care

to lace my love for all the things I cannot keep

and pass along my earthy wants when time its right,

It is the feel of warming dreams and peaceful sleep

to take a chance and try again when I’m prepare,

to see myself within the dark as shining light.

H.O.

Illusive

lenna_pixels

Illusive

Faces and more faces of seeking love

smiles frozen in a moment of hope

as in hope for eternal, what a lie

as no promises become alive

in such place, it becomes a rope

to hang our dreams thereof.

~

But to the pixels eyes glued

continue searching for someone

in desperation to rid life of loneliness,

to find a home in our homelessness,

“maybe tomorrow I’ll find the one”-

hanging on to hope and truth eluded.

H.O.

Soul

your-soul
A picture of my mind would suffice,

it’ll show passion behind sagging skin

and all the things I fervently treasure,

it would give a view of my pleasure

from all the places I have been

and all the people I have seen.

A picture of my mind would entice

a desire to know me more

and forget the count of years

or a life that’s turning old,

when you’ll look into my eyes

all you’ll see behind the door

is a life absent of fears,

and a window to my soul.

H.O.

A Father

I love my daughter, my only daughter. She just turned 19 years old but every time I look at her all I see is nine. After a lengthy separation and upcoming divorce from her mother and my wife of nineteen years, she moved in with me six months ago. I wrote this for her on father’s day and couldn’t remember if I did post it. Only with her I finally understood what they mean when they say “giving my life for someone”. I did, nineteen years of it and whatever is left, for her…

Father - 2010 Pedro Solorzano

A Father

When autumn comes and life goes on

my daughter dear, another year

time gives to you and takes from me,

another candle is there now blown

with wishes still not fully clear

and love not found to be so free,

but you keep smiling as life goes on.

~

And what I want on father’s day

for you my dear so close to stay,

to hold you tight and not let go

protecting you from all the harm,

from all the tears and all the pain-

But what I wish I wish in vain

as you my love adventures want

and just this life you now outgrow

so holding tight, I’ll let you go.

H.O. June 11, 2013