My Sadness

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My Sadness

~

It is hard to define this lingering affection

more like a benign infection

slowly tainting my heart-

It happens on cloudy days oftentimes

when listening to a melody on the radio

alone  on a Friday night, sometimes

starts with a tear

like a solitary drop with skies clear

from impending storms

and then this strange feeling that forms

takes over my emotions,

melancholic allergy to a loveless life perhaps

it may be the reason for this soul inflection-

H.O


“Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go

To heal my heart and drown my woe

Rain may fall, and wind may blow

And many miles be still to go

But under a tall tree will I lie

And let the clouds go sailing by”

― J.R.R. Tolkien

Of what will become

Love and Loss (Angled)

 

Of what will become

~

I am tired-

My body crushed beneath the weight of a million years

my soul infected with the plague of disappointments craves

the silent rest of eternal night, the quiet weight of graves

to house my flesh, to complete my cycle and be home again-

And how I loved this life, forsaken roads leading to places

full of joy among the tears I shed at times of tribulation,

the miracles of flowers, sunlight and my laughing child.

I loved it all and made it mine in happiness and pain

all exhausted until nothing left but shadows in isolation

nothing left but dark stains of history mapping my skin

from where all began to where x marks the spot

of my here and now, tired from the weight of years-

~

The overgrowth hides the stone

carved letters of forgotten name

under a quiet lot facing the ocean

forever now  extinguished flame

H.O


“Life’s just a bunch of accidents, connected by one perfect end.”

― Daniel C. Tomas

Flux

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Flux

~

But I do hide from the pulse

of a constant stream of life

too much to bear at times I pull away

the skin to shed and leave behind

to darkest places I find

such comfort in the dark-

And when the moon is bright

the force of fools and crazy

will tear my mind apart

to seek among the meek

the softness of a touch,

the gentle music sway

I find inside a heart

that pulls me right away

to places full of light.

-H.O-


“Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your own presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement”. Alice Koller

My Eyes

eyes-window-soul

My Eyes

~

“They are sad”- my mother said about my eyes

then kissed them both with tender care

and told me “life is never sadness”

but later found that in her kindness

she failed to see how through my years

from all the pain could not be spared.

~

“They are naughty” – my lover said about my eyes

and kissed them both lost in desire

then told me “life is full of pleasure

with every moment to hold and treasure”

 cradling my body between her thighs

my lover taught me about lust and fire.

~

“They are fierce” – my friend said about my eyes

and touched them softly with great affection

then told me “life is there for taking

if you are a winner into the making”

but later found that makes no sense

when life is nothing without direction.

~

“They are old” – I told myself about my eyes

the mirror spoke of passing times

my mother’s words of love and sadness

a distant memory lost in the madness

of every day, and all I see with these old eyes

are long gone dreams within the rhymes-

H.O

Dust to Dust

forgotten-6

Dust to Dust

~

And I’ll be dust to dust bound

suppressed like a flash of light

quick but not too bright,

a distant memory turned to dreams

a vague recollection drowned

in the noise of your day-

So quick nothing turns to nothing

in a life full of extremes

that never last, never stay-

Particles of mixed sanity

that reality became,

a reality dust to dust bound

when forgotten lips

no longer speak my name-

H.O

Without Sound

sound-of-silence

Without Sound

~

Lost in my own silence time passes slow

my voice within repeats the same, strange

how language is pointless and yet

I choose one, to speak words without sound.

I am most naked alone and quiet I found

stripped of looks and gestures I flow

in between the seconds of the clock

as it marks the days’ time, strange

how time matters and yet

I choose to let it go,

lost in the words without sound-

H.O


“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Paradoxum

paradox

Paradoxum

~

I want, want not

a pull and push or push and pull

days so empty and yet so full

of many things but none at all.

So strange how life can be like death

to drown on air with each last breath-

I need, need not

such clear confusion

a life so real in my delusion

when standing tall I often fall

and catch myself but sometimes not

while steady ahead in my convictions

I live a life of contradictions-

H.O

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

― Carl R. Rogers